#8 Today

My thoughts I keep going over for today..

This morning when Steve woke me for our time together.. As we hugged and kissed and held onto each other.. I couldn't help but wonder if we were gonna be ok. It made me sad really. Knowing that I will still be home when he gets here, made it different some how. I'm not sure how to go about this really. We both agreed that with us working opposite shifts, it threw us in a life style that happens after a couple has been together for  long time. We only saw each other on weekends and for our morning talks. All our money going into just barely making it. High stresses that new relationships just don't survive in. It takes a lot for people to get through all that. So, if I can find something in day work, it would help us a lot to be home together everyday. Steve mentioned how nice that would be.

So today, I will be dying my hair, and making myself new job presentable, so that I will be able to get something great, something worth having, and hopefully will get offered a day shift job. Maybe paying less in gas, and not having Stella hearse being run into the ground will make it easier to pay bills. And maybe getting a job close enough to walk to will help with KM.

I don't know.. today is a bit sad, and a little scary. I don't know what's going to happen, or what Steve is thinking. I don't know if everything is going to be okay. I just don't know. But what I do know is... I have a daughter turning 12 tomorrow that is counting on me to make it for us. And I have Steve who is watching and hoping I can pull my end together. So no matter what happens, I gotta put my foot out there and do the best I can. It's all or nothing, just the kind of girl I pride myself to be. Do what makes us come together, and hope it works out. Even though KM and I consider him family, I know he does not feel the same way about us. So not having that security makes this even harder.

Life with Steve.. Crossing fingers, holding breath, hoping for the best..